Judgments Hurt

This Sunday in Church, we talked about judgments, where they come from, what they lead to, how they affect people, and how to handle them. After the message, I spent a lot of time thinking about my own judgmental self. I’ve spent a lot of time making these quick surface level judgments in my life.  It is honestly something I struggle with everyday. So my mission for this week and weeks to come is to not look at people for what they are on the outside but, rather, for who they are on the inside. Because, the truth of the matter is, most of the judgments that I make are based on appearance, clothing, money, etc…definite surface level stuff. Most of the time, I notice my judgment’s come from my own insecurities. So, instead of insecurely judging people, I am going to look within myself and fix those insecurities. There is a fine line though in helping people and judging them. Obviously, in my opinion if you believe someone needs help, you have made some sort of judgment. But, if you love them enough, and come from the right loving place I think you can try and help. However, there is only so far you can help someone. If they don’t want your help, you cannot force them to accept the help, you can only guide them to the right place, love on them, and pray for them.

ANYWAYS,

This week has been a very busy one with school, friends, taking care of my house and 30 hours of work. But, my Friday started off wonderfully. This morning, despite the snow, I had an appointment with the LOVELY Pamela at Lou and Co. and she cut and highlighted my hair. I LOVE the color and cannot wait to grow my hair out (not because she cut it too short, but, im ready for longer) Today, I have a short day at work and then I will be coming home, getting some stuff done and likely a friends birthday party. Hope you all had a GREAT week and as always, feel free and welcome to join me at South Junior High in Lawrence this Sunday for my church, Eastlake Community Church.

I just want to close with a quote from the Ke$ha concert, trust me, I know she’s not an incredibly insightful person but, she did say something at the very end that really stuck with me because, it’s how I’ve always tried to live my life.

My New Hair!

“Be yourself, unapologetically, ALWAYS!”

It's so hard to say goodbye, to yesterday....for me at least

For those of you that know me, and I mean REALLY know me, you know that I’m the type of person that tends to be rather reflective on the past. Generally, I find that thinking about the past relationships, friendships, situations, times, even past lifestyles or past wardrobes only holds me back. I know, plenty of people tell you that you can learn from your past and YOU DO but, I wish I could just learn from that past and move completely on! Let me tell you the phrase “different strokes for different folks” totally does ring true here. NOT EVERY belief I have is going to work for everyone because, not everyone or every problem can be covered with the same blanket advice.

When I say I think about the past a lot, I really mean A LOT. I spend a lot of my day thinking about great old memories that cannot ever be recreated because those friendships have drifted apart or no longer exist. I went to the Ke$ha concert on Sunday with a great girl friend that gives me all that I need in a friendship but, somehow after the fun concert on the ride home, the conversation turned into the “What if my ex was here game” ( and trust me, I meant it in a completely loving and genuine way). Honestly, I don’t know why I get these feelings, it cannot be because I’m unhappy because, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a VERY long time. I believe, I think about these pasts because they are comfortable to me…even if they were toxic, unstable, or just not working, I still continue to reflect on my pasts.

One past I really struggle with is my past life. NO, I don’t mean before I was Heddy but before I truly found and fell in love with God. About a year ago, I was a completely different person….I was the type of person you see and think “She’s unhappy” or maybe “She’s bitchy” but truly I was a nasty person, with very little love to truly give, hardly any energy, and nothing really positive coming from me at all. My main motivation in life was going out, having fun, living life with no regrets, and likely trampling all over peoples feelings.  Through this past year I have really grown into a fully loving and caring Christ- motivated person. (Don’t worry all of you old friends, I’m still fun and funny, and I still LOVE having fun, just in different venues) I grew partially this past year because I had my first “semi- adult” relationship but, mostly because God has taken a hold of my heart. But, still there are those times when I drift away and think of those pasts. I often find myself wondering “what-if” I had made different life choices. I know I must just shift my mind to knowing and realizing ALL of the time that this life is OBVIOUSLY better and has SO much more to offer. On this constant journey I am so thankful that I have an incredible core support team to send me right back onto the correct path to God if my mind drifts too far away for too long.

Regardless of all of this past thinking, I know I wouldn’t trade a single second of the last year because, it is ALL part of God’s plan. Sometimes, like I finally did with my old clothes last month, you just have to get rid of all of these pasts that don’t fit anymore, or that are unfashionable. And no, you cannot just “belt them” (I’m sure some of you will get this because of my affinity for belting things) hoping they’ll fit you even when they are too loose in certain places. I know purging these past thoughts, memories, and irreparable relationships is the only thing you can do to move forward, and that is certainly the spot I’m at. I’m in desperate need to take my pasts to the “goodwill” and only leap forward!

So, briefly, I am just going to tell you that I’ll try to post a more thought provoking post on Sundays or Mondays and an update or a lesson I learned in church late during the week (for now).  I AM going to talk about God a lot and my church too. So, if you don’t like it, I’d suggest keep checking out my blog, and you may find out things about God that you never knew, from a simplified and awestruck Christian like me!

HAVE YOU BEEN BURNED BY A CHURCH?  Uninterested, uninformed, uncomfortable in Churches…check mine out, it’s incredible and VERY welcoming

www.eastlakelawrence.com

Also, like I said last time, I’m hosting a group at church for ladies. You don’t have to be an Eastlake-er to be involved just talk to me or go here to check out info for signing up

http://www.eastlakelawrence.com/?groups

Have a GREAT week!

Better late than NEVER

This past year has marked many firsts for me…I had my first love, lived by myself for the first time, had my heart broken for the first time, fell in love with God for the first time, and for the first time in my whole entire life, I had the feeling that I could do things on my own (well, with God of course). I spent almost my whole year (2010) pursuing, being in, or mourning the loss of my relationship. My friendships, like my weight, have fluctuated, they have been up, down, wonderful, lacking, surprising, but, as the year closed both my weight and most of my friendships are almost exactly the same as this time last year (some better, some worse). My strength has grown leaps and bounds throughout the year…I often find myself doing things now that I would have never been brave enough to do and, this is ONLY because of GOD.

In April, I began attending Eastlake (just to appease the now Ex) from my first attendance I noticed that there was something so special going on there. At first, I didn’t get an immediate connection with Christ but, I did feel that the people were great so I kept going back. In the beginning, it was like Eastlake was my job….I had to force myself awake every Sunday after long Saturday night, I often missed Church. But, I kept attending sparingly. During the summer I began my real prayer life. At first my ex had to soy our prayers aloud before bed eventually though, I felt comfortable enough to lead our prayers. When I started letting God into my thought life (like pastor Matt suggested) I began to notice myself changing. “Absolutes” that I had previously melted away because with God they didn’t matter, I completely changed who I was and looking back even after losing myself in my relationship I found myself in Christ. In September, I was saved! My life felt completely new and filled up with love. I felt strong enough to do anything but, only with God. Around the same time, I started in a church Growth Group, which, is one of my BEST decisions to date. Every Monday I met with a loving and diverse group of women. Everyone came and shared their hearts and truths. I had told people before my group began that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with a random group of “church women” but, from the first meeting in felt completely comfortable and loved and all of those fears faded.

The next few months were seemingly smooth and happy (for the most part). But, the water finally boiled over on my 8 or 10-month relationship in November. Since then, I have learned so much. Ive learned how awesome God is and he had prepared me to be alone by surrounding me with the MOST loving, supportive, and fun friends and family. One day after my relationship ended, I asked God what to do, and it was so clear…throw yourself into your church. I began volunteering at Eastlake, was baptized, and became a member!  I couldn’t be happier or more thankful for what God has created for me even through the devils awful destruction. Ive had the opportunity to have my friends come to Eastlake and sit next to me and just praise and love God for all that we have! Ive met so many INCREDIBLE people through Eastlake and I Cannot wait for another year with my Eastlake family!

As the year closed, and 2011 began the Beaudoin’s surprised me with a trip to Kansas. Spending time with some old friends is really what I needed because I felt truly happy! I feel unstoppable, I am just so in love with God and everything he has surrounded me with. However, I still do have goals to improve myself by 2012 and I’m going to share them with the few people that may actually be reading this…..

1.Limit Gossip

2. Get Coffee (Starbucks, Scooters, Etc.) only once a week

3. Use my planner

4. Work 25 hours a week

5. Limit bad language

6. Make a budget and follow it

7. Talk to God more often

8. Read the Bible

9. Work out 3 times a week

10. Only eat out 4 times a month

11. Find another volunteer position

12. Spend only 7 non-school related hours on the internet a week

13. Stop thinking what-if and wondering what people whose life I am uninvolved with are doing.

WOW, that’s a lot. Good thing I have 11 months!

I do want to explain my blog name….the phrase “Hail Mary and Whatev” came from a Catholic girl I met my first year at KU. Looking back I really respect this girl and when something bad would happen to her, she would say “Hail Mary and Whatev” instead of getting upset or doing mean things. So, that’s how I’m trying to live my life for now, moving on from the bad, not dwelling, only taking in the good.

A few Shameless plugs….

Here is a link to my awesome Church, I am there every Sunday. It is a safe place to check out God and there are tons of great people

http://www.eastlakelawrence.com/

Also, for all you Lawrence Single ladies…I am leading a group with a wonderful Eastlake friend, it meets on Tuesdays at 7pm, feel free to join! Group sign-ups are going on for a few more weeks and our first meeting is March 1^st, ours is Tuesdays 02

http://www.eastlakelawrence.com/?groups

Thanks for reading, have a faboosh week :)