For those of you that know me, and I mean REALLY know me, you know that I’m the type of person that tends to be rather reflective on the past. Generally, I find that thinking about the past relationships, friendships, situations, times, even past lifestyles or past wardrobes only holds me back. I know, plenty of people tell you that you can learn from your past and YOU DO but, I wish I could just learn from that past and move completely on! Let me tell you the phrase “different strokes for different folks” totally does ring true here. NOT EVERY belief I have is going to work for everyone because, not everyone or every problem can be covered with the same blanket advice.
When I say I think about the past a lot, I really mean A LOT. I spend a lot of my day thinking about great old memories that cannot ever be recreated because those friendships have drifted apart or no longer exist. I went to the Ke$ha concert on Sunday with a great girl friend that gives me all that I need in a friendship but, somehow after the fun concert on the ride home, the conversation turned into the “What if my ex was here game” ( and trust me, I meant it in a completely loving and genuine way). Honestly, I don’t know why I get these feelings, it cannot be because I’m unhappy because, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a VERY long time. I believe, I think about these pasts because they are comfortable to me…even if they were toxic, unstable, or just not working, I still continue to reflect on my pasts.
One past I really struggle with is my past life. NO, I don’t mean before I was Heddy but before I truly found and fell in love with God. About a year ago, I was a completely different person….I was the type of person you see and think “She’s unhappy” or maybe “She’s bitchy” but truly I was a nasty person, with very little love to truly give, hardly any energy, and nothing really positive coming from me at all. My main motivation in life was going out, having fun, living life with no regrets, and likely trampling all over peoples feelings. Through this past year I have really grown into a fully loving and caring Christ- motivated person. (Don’t worry all of you old friends, I’m still fun and funny, and I still LOVE having fun, just in different venues) I grew partially this past year because I had my first “semi- adult” relationship but, mostly because God has taken a hold of my heart. But, still there are those times when I drift away and think of those pasts. I often find myself wondering “what-if” I had made different life choices. I know I must just shift my mind to knowing and realizing ALL of the time that this life is OBVIOUSLY better and has SO much more to offer. On this constant journey I am so thankful that I have an incredible core support team to send me right back onto the correct path to God if my mind drifts too far away for too long.
Regardless of all of this past thinking, I know I wouldn’t trade a single second of the last year because, it is ALL part of God’s plan. Sometimes, like I finally did with my old clothes last month, you just have to get rid of all of these pasts that don’t fit anymore, or that are unfashionable. And no, you cannot just “belt them” (I’m sure some of you will get this because of my affinity for belting things) hoping they’ll fit you even when they are too loose in certain places. I know purging these past thoughts, memories, and irreparable relationships is the only thing you can do to move forward, and that is certainly the spot I’m at. I’m in desperate need to take my pasts to the “goodwill” and only leap forward!
So, briefly, I am just going to tell you that I’ll try to post a more thought provoking post on Sundays or Mondays and an update or a lesson I learned in church late during the week (for now). I AM going to talk about God a lot and my church too. So, if you don’t like it, I’d suggest keep checking out my blog, and you may find out things about God that you never knew, from a simplified and awestruck Christian like me!
HAVE YOU BEEN BURNED BY A CHURCH? Uninterested, uninformed, uncomfortable in Churches…check mine out, it’s incredible and VERY welcoming
Also, like I said last time, I’m hosting a group at church for ladies. You don’t have to be an Eastlake-er to be involved just talk to me or go here to check out info for signing up
Have a GREAT week!
Self reflection is so important! At least you have the strength to realize what was not so great about your past; most people are too deep in denial, too arrogant, or....let's just say "not bright" enough to figure out or admit they ever make mistakes and that they need to better themselves in some way.
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