Man, Its been far too long since I updated my blog. I have had stories or things I’ve wanted to mention in my blog floating in my head for the past month but school and work have been incredibly demanding of my time. So, on that note, like I said let me warn you my brain is kind of fried and many emotions are pushing back at my logical thoughts so, I am sorry if this post is somewhat jumbled. I’ve been carrying on with my life rather normally in my absence from cyber world. School is going rather well this semester but, it is challenging. I cannot wait for the summer where I can spend my time (hopefully) doing the things I really love!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what it really means to forgive someone. I know that Christ’s message is forgiveness, ALWAYS NO MATTER WHAT. So why does it seem so hard to forgive people or actions sometimes? Prior to review, I tended to view myself as an incredibly forgiving and a somewhat foolish person to forgive so easily on that matter. My Pastor once said, that you should forgive a person that robs your house but, that doesn’t mean you have to let them inside your house the next day. Also, I’ve heard that “forgiveness is a fact NOT a feeling” SO, I say that I’m forgiving but, looking back I think I haven’t really forgiven as much as I thought. I think I may be one of those dreaded people that forgives someone to get something or sometimes I may even expect something. I think that because I have put up those pre-requisites that someone must meet for me to accept their apology that I’m not really forgiving at all. Its not the way I want to be, and its not the way I am going to live my life starting today. When we reflect, we can view the mistakes we’ve made and see where we need to change. I believe that self-evaluation is a great thing. Often we may take a lot of time to ridicule other people for their actions but, really we MUST look inside ourselves to make any true change.
Then I run into the question of what if the person repeatedly does the same thing that you’ve already forgiven? I think this is where the robber analogy fits in. We must protect ourselves from that hurt. I think if someone is taking advantage of the situation then you must as a fact forgive them (and I mean truly forgive, not just say you do) but, you don’t have to let them in (the feeling of forgiving them may come later, not necessarily immediately) I think that when we can learn to truly let go of the pain we are holding onto and the wrongs that people have done and drop that check-list of what someone owes us, is when the healing begins. I think sometimes I carry around this list in my head of what someone may have to do to right the wrongs that have been done. When I’ve been able to drop that list and just live and love (and I mean truly love) caring fully about the person and praying for God’s help for kind words and thought I feel a complete weight lifted off my chest. To me, I feel like, I’ve always said I’m sorry or I forgive you because its easier to move forward AND even if I didn’t fully feel it when I said it, I eventually got there. I understand it. Sometimes, our pride, jealousy, memories, history almost makes it seem impossible to forgive. But, let me tell you, I know people who have been wronged far worse than I and they have forgiven and live a whole new life without that pain and hurt on their mind. Those people are my example, them and Christ show me its possible to forgive for something tiny and even for something so huge your whole life is turned upside down. I am really working on that, forgiving without needing something in return.
Sometimes though, it’s a whole institution or organization that has wronged you, not just one person. Sometimes it’s your work, an organization you’re involved in, a church, or even “religious” people in general. There is a lot of hate being spread at all times from the enemy. It is hard to move beyond that. Trust, when I was younger I experienced multiple “church” people being complete hypocrites. And, it hurt me. I never wanted to be involved and on top of that I had a pre-conceived (bad) notion of what Christians were. When I went to Eastlake, I realized that’s not true. I have found the most loving and completely accepting people…NO MATTER WHAT MY JUNK IS! I love that I can have these feelings and connections and relationships with members of my church. I know, I know, I’ve been spamming you all with Eastlake stuff but, its ONLY because I want Eastlake to be able to make a difference in someone else’s life too! You may be one of those people that have been so wronged and hurt and told how bad you are by the church….I can PROMISE you, that is NOT going to happen at Eastlake. I would never invite people I love into a situation that I thought would harm them. SO, its almost Easter, a holiday where we life up Jesus Christ and what he did for us so that we could live. I know when I was younger I always went to church on Easter Sunday (right after I dyed eggs, which at the time I thought was superior) I know at Eastlake we are having church for EVERYONE this Sunday, EVEN non-believers. We want to see you there; I want to see you there. If you feel more comfortable checking us out online do so……
(it’s our Easter series website, while there check out the four promo videos and even my churches original song and music video)
www.eastlakelawrence.com
(here is our main site, if you click on pastors talks you can hear some of the previous series to see what you’re getting yourself into, lol)
Hope to see you THIS (or any) Sunday, South Junior High, 9:30 or 11!
Heddy
And, regardless of where you are or what you do, I hope you have a blessed Easter!www.eastlakelawrence.com
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